(I decided to start sharing some posts from my old blog. I’m miss my friends and parties terribly, and I particularly miss everything about Cheeky, a spanking party that I run with three of my very good friends. My next blog post makes a lot of references to Cheeky, so I thought I’d shamelessly self promote us and share this here!)
I’ve come to realize that there isn’t a single part of organizing an event that I don’t (on some level) enjoy. Even the mishaps that happen during the day are fine with me.
Forgot a pack of pencils? On it. Here are the three nearest stores. Someone wants to register the day of the deadline? I know all their references and can contact them immediately. Not enough chairs? We can improvise.
I’m thriving, especially when I’m on. I like helping people feel welcome, like they’ve found a place where they can fit. Sometimes I worry that they know I need it too much, that their happy is secretly mine too. Perhaps this is why no one ever believes my introvert leanings, but here it is. I don’t need people to energize, but I feel energized by making people happy.
I never really grew out of being shy – it’s not something you ever get rid of. I just talk louder than I used to, and it throws people off. Small talk terrifies me. Not in that pseudo intellectual, “I’m so deep” way, but I hate filling up empty spaces just for the sake of it.
And I’m scared of running out of things to say until it’s too late. I worried for a long time that I accidentally cultivated this image of myself as this flighty, ditzy, malleable thing. Young enough to be decent to look at, different enough to come play with a second or third time. People have justified and refuted my fears, but I’ve been trying to shift my focus. So instead of changing people’s minds, I ignore them as much as I can. There are bigger things more worth my energy.
And…I like when people tell me their stories.
I like being able to create a space where, simply put, people can be themselves. So many of us spent enough time with the shame/fear that comes along with the territory of having a fetish. Compounded with the worry that no one would ever quite “get it”, creates this narrative where you’re always wondering. I remember my first party. I didn’t know what to expect, but I left knowing I had possibilities.
I never considered that one of the possibilities that came from attending my first party would be…creating one. All of the parties we throw together for Cheeky are so special to me, but the school events are personal. As someone who has a fetish in ritualistic school discipline, there isn’t a thing I don’t think about. I love that the people I work with are the same way. When someone shares your energy, your passion – even when you don’t always agree – it’s a recipe for something incredible.
It’s been a little over a accomplished. I can’t wait to see what we come up with next.